


nobody told me it ended

by hyperandrogenism



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Chronic Pain, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Disability, Disabled Character, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insomnia, Lesbian Character, Literal Sleeping Together, Mental Health Issues, Paranoia, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Paternal Impactor, Post-Battle, Post-The Transformers: Last Stand of the Wreckers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, because fuck it if nick roche wont say it i will, briefly lmao, impactor and verity are gay/lesbian solidarity, impactor is the gay guy who adopts all the queer kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperandrogenism/pseuds/hyperandrogenism
Summary: Verity can't sleep. Her heart is still pounding, she can't stop shaking, and her ears ring from the noise and fear. She'd taken a shower—she couldn'tstandto have the stink of Garrus 9, alien gunpowder and rancid energon and fear sweat, on her for any longer—so at least she's clean, but it hadn't done anything to calm her down.So she's wandering the halls of Ultra Magnus's ship, hoping enough of the Wreckers are sitting vigil with Springer that no one will interrupt her. It's going well, until she's about to round a corner and she hears the sound of a heavy duty frame that's struggling a little. It takes a second to realize it's most likely Impactor; he's the only other one she thinks would leave Springer's side, even if they may have one hell of a history together that Verity thinks she only knows half of, and she'd heard how distinctively messed up his ventilation system is before. She stops in her tracks, wondering if shewantsto see him, but before she gets the chance to decide he calls out, "I know you're there. C'mon out."
Kudos: 19





	nobody told me it ended

**Author's Note:**

> its a fucking crime that impactor and verity literally interact once in canon. like its a literal homophobic hate crime. let them be gay/lesbian solidarity.
> 
> anyway impactor and verity both cant sleep after g9 and have ptsd so they talk and also impactor likes organics so they are friends because they both deserve to have more friends lol. i wrote this in 3 days and its my longest single chapter fic so i want to die.
> 
> a pearl is making me go absolutely fucking insane right now so. mitski title.
> 
> anonymous comments are off, sorry, ive been getting a lot of shit on tumblr and i dont want it to bleed over here.

Verity can't sleep. Her heart is still pounding, she can't stop shaking, and her ears ring from the noise and fear. She'd taken a shower—she couldn't _ stand  _ to have the stink of Garrus 9, alien gunpowder and rancid energon and fear sweat, on her for any longer—so at least she's clean, but it hadn't done anything to calm her down.

So she's wandering the halls of Ultra Magnus's ship, hoping enough of the Wreckers are sitting vigil with Springer that no one will interrupt her. It's going well, until she's about to round a corner and she hears the sound of a heavy duty frame that's struggling a little. It takes a second to realize it's most likely Impactor; he's the only other one she thinks would leave Springer's side, even if they may have one hell of a history together that Verity thinks she only knows half of, and she'd heard how distinctively messed up his ventilation system is before. She stops in her tracks, wondering if she  _ wants _ to see him, but before she gets the chance to decide he calls out, "I know you're there. C'mon out."

Verity still hesitates for a moment. Maybe she can still run the other way, and if Impactor confronts her about it later she'll convince him he's going senile. But she doesn't really want to piss him off—he did just beat the hell out of  _ Overlord _ —and if she ran he’d probably catch her, so she comes out from behind the corner.

Impactor's sitting on the floor against the wall, curled in on himself with his knees as close to his chest as he can get them. Verity supposes he had the same idea and the same problem. She can't blame him. He doesn't speak, just watches her cross the floor, until she slides down the wall to sit beside him in a similar pose.

"You can't relax either," Impactor says. It's not a question, but Verity still nods. "That's a good thing, you know," Impactor continues, "You don't _ like _ the bad fights. Might not make you the best Wrecker, but it's what's best for you."

"Was that… a really bad one? Is it all that bad?" Verity asks tentatively, craning her neck to look up at Impactor.

Impactor shrugs. "Not the worst, far from the best," he answers simply. It doesn't make Verity feel much better.

They fall back into silence. Verity sighs. Impactor's presence alone is comforting. He  _ had  _ protected Verity from Overlord, even if it takes a little mental stretching to interpret how he'd acted like that. At the very least they'd worked together to take down Overlord, and he'd made Verity feel like she finally belonged somewhere. He'd treated her like a fellow Wrecker and a fellow soldier, and that resemblance of respect and acknowledgement had helped her snap out of her terror and shock for long enough to distract Overlord for him.

"Can I touch your hair?" Impactor asks suddenly, like it just occurred to him that he could ask, snapping Verity out of her thoughts.

Verity raises her eyebrows. She hadn't expected  _ that _ . She has her hair down, and it's still a little wet from her shower, but it's cleaner than it's been in a while and probably looks pretty soft. She can't really blame Impactor for asking, especially since she's pretty sure he's never seen a human before. "Yeah," she answers after a minute, slowly and cautiously.

Impactor looks just as shocked that she'd said yes as she was that he'd asked. He doesn't move for a minute, and Verity almost thinks he's changed his mind, then he leans down and reaches out slowly to touch Verity's head with one finger.

Impactor's finger is rough, pitted and scarred and creaking a little when it slides down her face, and it catches on Verity's skin and hair, but he's so gentle and cognizant of his strength when he slides it down to Verity's cheek. Verity stays as still as possible and watches him closely—it seems less likely now, but she's still wary of this going badly and whenever a transformer is this close it’s a little scary—and sees exactly when the sensation of soft hair and skin registers by how Impactor's mouth drops open a little and his optics widen. Just a tiny bit, but enough that Verity notices.

He’s warm, too. Verity is well acquainted with how warm transformers are, but Impactor is particularly warm. He'd make a good heating pad if she got cramps, Verity thinks with a little smile.

"I always liked organics," Impactor explains. His voice is quiet and careful, like he doesn't want anyone to overhear, or maybe he doesn't want to hear it himself. "You're soft, and little. We aren't. But that's not a popular thing to say, even for Autobots. And Megatron didn't…" He trails off, looking away

"You knew  _ Megatron? _ " Verity asks, eyes going wide. Impactor pulls his servo back to tuck it under his other elbow and Verity instantly misses it.

"Me and Megatron were…" Impactor frowns, and Verity's heart sinks a little. She  _ likes _ seeing Impactor, who in her experience is sullen and angry and kind of a jerk, smile and talk softly. Impactor sighs. "We were  _ friends _ . We were both miners, we worked together, and I helped him with some of his stuff. But yeah, one of the reasons I didn't go with him was organics."

"He doesn't like organics," Verity clarifies.

Impactor shakes his helm. "He doesn't. Most of us don't, at least a little, but he  _ really _ doesn't."

"Why doesn't he?" Verity asks. She kind of wishes Impactor would pet her head again, he's warm and it's soothing her heart that hasn't rested since she jumped down onto Pyro's shoulder, but she doesn't ask. She doesn't want to be that desperate.

Impactor takes a minute to answer. "You're weak," he finally says, "I could crush you until no one recognized you with one finger." If Verity weren't used to the Wreckers and the violent way they talk that would sound like a threat, but she knows Impactor is just stating a fact. Impactor continues, "He thinks we're superior to you. There aren't many organic races that can take us on, there's a lot less that could  _ win _ , and I'm pretty sure you're one of the only exceptions for your species. So he doesn't like you."

Verity recognizes that as a compliment. Wrecker compliments, especially Impactor's she'd guess, always have to do with either how well you handle your weapon, how many people you kill, and how quickly and easily you kill them. It made her a little uneasy at first to have someone tell her she could've taken a shot at Megatron, or joke that they should take her guns when she gets mad, but now she's more used to it and it even inspires a little pride.

She's wanted to at least talk to Impactor since they picked him up; he's the  _ patriarch  _ of the Wreckers, the one who shaped Springer and every other Wrecker from his era but also the one who nearly destroyed them. Even after seeing and hearing of his violence his presence was a strange kind of comfort in the medbay earlier that night, like when your friend tells you their dad is a felon but he’s always so sweet when you’re around. Verity had watched and listened to him move between Ironfist and Springer and Guzzle and comfort them for a couple hours until she'd gotten too restless to stay.

"You gonna stay on with us?" Impactor asks to break the silence, "You'd make a good Wrecker."

"I don't know," Verity admits, "I mean, yeah, I like you guys, I like having something to do, and I don't want to go back to Earth, but it's…" She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "I saw Overlord shoot Rotorstorm. He was  _ laughing _ . They both were, Rotorstorm made a shitty joke and Overlord was laughing with him. And Overlord just  _ shot him _ ."

Impactor nods. Verity knows he gets it, what she can't put into words, that that's the most horrifying thing she's ever seen even above  _ Springer  _ and the laughter and glee Overlord had made it a thousand times worse. "For what it's worth, Overlord is one of a kind," Impactor says, voice soft, "I've seen some villains in my time, and he's one of the only ones who'd do that. Most likely won't see another like that, 'least not for a while. Longer than you'll be alive." He turns to look down at Verity again. "He's the worst I've ever seen, and that's saying something. The stuff he did to us, to me, to Fortress…" He trails off with a choked little sound. He clenches his jaw and Verity can see the actuators in what's exposed of his face work.

"I'm sorry," Verity says quickly, "I shouldn't be complaining, I can't imagine—"

Impactor shakes himself out of his daze with a huff and waves his servo at her. "It's fine. You're not gonna get a word outta me about what happened in there, so one of us might as well talk about it."

Verity doesn't know if she wants to know what happened in there, what Impactor saw, what Overlord did. A little bit of morbid curiosity prickles her stomach, but she shoves it down deep.

They fall silent again, both just staring at the opposite wall. Verity's body aches, and she just wants to curl up and sleep for a year. As soon as she thinks that she remembers Springer, what he's doing right now, and feels a little bad, but it doesn't last.

Impactor must pick up on it, because after a second he asks, "You got somewhere to sleep?"

Verity shrugs. "I was sleeping with Magnus or Kup before," she says.

"But you don't wanna see them right now," Impactor finishes for her.

Verity nods. "They're just… They're both gonna be freaked out. I don't want to deal with it."

Impactor snorts. "Yeah, I get it. You wanna find a hab with me?"

Verity shoots him a look, eyebrow cocked. She  _ had  _ kind of pegged him for the opposite of the "you'll have to buy me dinner first" type, but not in  _ that _ way. "Is that an offer? Because I'm not into…" She leaves that open. The end might be  _ war criminals who probably should not be pardoned _ , or  _ people who shot a hole in my friend that he didn't even tell me about _ , or  _ giant alien robots that destroyed a decent amount of my planet _ , or  _ men even if they are aliens _ , or just  _ how the hell would that even work _ .

But Impactor grimaces, squeezing his optics shut and making a face like the thought is absolutely repulsive. "I  _ said _ I  _ like  _ organics, not that I wanted to frag one. 'Sides, you're too young for me, by a lot. And I don't like femmes. So no, I just want to go to sleep."

Verity kind of wants to defend herself, say she's not  _ that young _ , but she sure doesn't feel much older than when those jets swooped down over her head. That and she's too tired to argue. She settles for, "Yeah, fine, I'll go with you."

Impactor nods and stands up gingerly, using the wall as a support and making a slightly pained face that Verity doesn't comment on. He'd been pretty badly injured, but only let Perceptor fix the absolute worst of it before Impactor had insisted he move on to someone else. Perceptor had gone happily, probably more out of dislike for Impactor than satisfaction with the job he'd done.

When he's on his pedes Impactor stretches, raising his arms above his helm and arching his back. Verity hears a few gears pop into place and struts creak and something grinding on something else and shudders at the noise. His ventilation system pumps quicker for a minute and Verity feels the hot, dry air bump off of the floor and hit her, and she closes her eyes until Impactor relaxes and it calms down.

Impactor reaches down then, kneeling and offering his servo to Verity. Verity never likes being carried by transformers, being so far off the ground and moving so fast is enough to make her a little sick, but she knows she'll never be able to keep up with Impactor, so she steps into his palm and lets him lift her. She sits down in his palm, knowing she'll be more secure like that. Impactor curls his servo a little around her and it makes Verity feel as safe as she can feel right now.

"Do you even know your way around here?" Verity asks suddenly, realizing that this is only the second time he's been on this ship and he's hesitating an awful lot, "Like, do you know where you're going?"

Impactor growls his engine quietly and grimaces again. "Yeah?" he says cautiously, but the way he sways where he stands tells Verity he has  _ no clue  _ where he is.

She  _ laughs _ at that, a real, loud laugh. It's even almost a cackle. After a second Impactor joins her and she can feel his servo shaking as he laughs. He has a nice laugh, not too loud but deeper than Verity's ever heard someone laugh, even other transformers.

"Oh my God," Verity says once they both quiet down, "Did you just walk until you couldn't hear anyone? Is that why you were just sitting on the floor?" Impactor sheepishly nods, a little pink blush coloring his face, and that sets them both off again, laughing even louder. "You're a  _ dumbass _ ," Verity teases, poking Impactor's finger beside her. A little part of her thinks she shouldn't be doing this, she shouldn't be messing with Impactor, but she pushes it aside. "Fine. I'll tell you where to go," she offers once they both stop laughing.

“Which way?” Impactor looks down the hall, and his uncertainty makes Verity giggle again.

“That way.” Verity points in the direction of where she’d come from. “Take a right.”

The ship isn’t huge for a Cybertronian build, and Impactor walks fast enough with Verity’s direction. They make it to the area of the ship where the hab suites are in ten minutes, only having to stop, briefly hide, and muffle laughs so they won’t get spotted by Perceptor once.

“I think…” Verity looks at the doors once they arrive. Ultra Magnus had labeled them all with their intended occupants. The name tags are in Neocybex and the Cybertronian alphabet; she can read it a little but it takes a minute.

All is well, she identifies Perceptor, Kup, and Ironfist’s habs, and then Verity turns to read another and freezes after she gets through the first couple letters.

Impactor, who was previously reading the other labels, follows her gaze and sucks in a breath. It’s Rotorstorm and Pyro’s; they were too new to get their own habs, they were going to share after the mission.

“It’s okay,” Impactor says, turning a little to block Verity’s view of the name tags, “Are there any empty ones? That’d be better, unless you wanna crash Kup’s or something.”

Verity can’t help a little snort at the suggestion, shaking off her funk. Kup wouldn’t mind Verity sleeping in his hab, she’s done it before, but  _ Impactor?  _ He’d have a fit. “I think there’s some empty ones down the hall,” Verity says, “It’s possible Magnus gave you one, but I don’t know if he likes you enough.

Impactor gives a matching snort. “Yeah, he probably doesn’t. I’m not his favorite Wrecker.” He straightens up and starts down the hall. They pass a few more doors, then get to the empty one. Impactor doesn’t go to the first empty hab, instead going all the way to the end of the hall and stopping in front of the last, unlabeled door before looking back down at Verity.

"Here, Magnus gave me his code," Verity offers. Impactor raises his harpoon, and Verity briefly thinks she should tell him to just put her down so he doesn't break the control panel, but she decides against it. "Ready?" she asks, and Impactor nods, "Okay, three, one, zero, six, two, eight." Impactor punches it in as she says it, and luckily nothing breaks and the door slides open. Even better, there's no one in the room and no belongings to indicate there might have been someone who'd claimed it.

"I'm gonna…" Impactor looks around when he takes a step in, a little hint of embarrassment in his face.

"Yeah, do your thing," Verity says, "Just set me down first."

Impactor shoots her a grateful look and crosses the room to set her on the berth, then looks around for a second before heading for the desk across from the berth. Verity watches Impactor check over the room, cannon cocked and harpoon at the ready while he looks behind the desk and under the berth and in the little closet and everywhere else there could be something dangerous (and a lot of places there definitely couldn't be).

It's a few minutes before he's satisfied, but finally Impactor returns to the berth and sits beside Verity. Verity quickly scrambles to the head of the berth to give Impactor room to lie down—the berth is still a little small for him, but he manages—and when he's settled she lets Impactor lift her again. He places Verity on his chest, letting her settle into the little flattish space in the middle. She lies down on her front, cheek to Impactor's plating.

Impactor's servo goes back to Verity's head like he can’t resist, petting her hair a little more. She doesn't say anything, but she appreciates it.

It's been too long since someone wasn't scared of breaking her. Even Springer and Kup would keep their servos off of her as much as they could. It's nice, to not be treated like a piece of fragile porcelain.

And the warmth of Impactor's body is  _ so nice _ . Even without a blanket, Verity is easily warm enough to be lulled to sleep, especially added to the subsonic growl of Impactor's engine that rumbles through her body. She closes her eyes for what seems like the first time today.

Then she opens them. In the dark, with only Impactor's biolights and dim optics for light, it would be so easy for there to be monsters in the shadows, even with how thoroughly Impactor had checked the room. Verity clenches her fingers against the unyielding metal of Impactor's armor and bites her lip.

Impactor picks up on it, just like he's picked up on everything else Verity's feeling. He cups his servo over her. "I'll keep watch," he murmurs, and his deep voice practically vibrates Verity's whole body, "I'm not gonna be able to get to sleep for a while. It's too quiet here." Verity doesn't miss what he means by that, what kinds of sounds he must be thinking of. It makes her shiver a little. "I'll wake you up if anything happens," Impactor finishes.

Verity tilts her head to look up at him. "Thanks," she says quietly. She puts her head back down. Knowing Impactor feels the same way helps her calm down a little. If Impactor, a giant robot with missiles in his chest and a cannon bigger than a car on his shoulder and a literal harpoon for an arm, is scared, then Verity knows it's okay for her to be scared too.

Then sometime occurs to her. She doesn’t know if she’ll get another chance to say it, so she goes for it. "I  _ swear  _ I'll go to sleep soon," Verity promises, "But you're  _ not  _ like what everyone says. I mean, no one even told me about you before we got there, but Percy told me all kinds of stuff about you."

"No one said anything about me?" Impactor says quietly, half interrupting her, and Verity instantly regrets saying it.

She looks up and props herself on her elbows. "I'm sorry, I mean, I wasn't exactly  _ listening _ —"

"It's fine," Impactor says, voice hard again. Verity's heart sinks. For a minute there, they were friends, they were laughing and they were happy and they were making each other feel better, even if they were both just pretending. But now it’s over. "It's fine," he repeats, and it sounds an awful lot like he's trying to convince himself and not Verity.

"They didn't forget about you," Verity tries, "I heard Kup and Springer talking a few times, and before you showed up they were talking about you. I didn't hear them say your name, but they were talking about 'someone' who was gonna be there."

Impactor sighs, a whooshing of air out of every vent that makes Verity's hair flutter. "Did they think I was dead?" he asks.

"Yeah, I think so," Verity answers truthfully. She knows now there's no comfort she can offer, no way to stop the ache she can see in Impactor's shadowy face. It has to be a huge hit to his pride; thinking one of the most formidable Autobots is dead by any hand, even Overlord's, is a hell of an insult. She yawns, covering her mouth with her hand. “Sorry.”

"Let's just go to sleep," Impactor says after a long few minutes where Verity has no idea what to say. He moves his finger down to her back, rubbing little circles through her shirt.

"I'm really sorry," Verity quietly offers again. Impactor doesn't answer her, and she settles back down again, wishing she'd just stayed quiet.

But now she’s really, truly exhausted, and Impactor’s finger softly rubbing her back is making Verity’s eyes heavy. And now that she’s lying down and warm she really does feel like she can sleep. The sounds and vibrations of Impactor’s frame are soothing, like falling asleep in a car or taking a nap when the clothes dryer is running. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, and Impactor does the same, and within a few minutes she’s snoring quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> harass me on tumblr [@first-and-always](https://first-and-always.tumblr.com/)


End file.
